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Although it was already more than nine o'clock, Zhang Liangliang was unhappy after she called her mother.
“大叔,你能不能别这么早送我回家?
说她估计得到半夜才回来,让我自己早点睡。今儿可是周末啊,我也一周都没出来放过风了!你带我去玩儿好不好?我请你!”
"Uncle, can you not send me home so early? Zhang Meimei said that she estimated that she would come back in the middle of the night and let me go to bed early. It’s a weekend, I haven’t let go of the wind for a week! Are you taking me to play? I invite you! ”
看着
那可怜的小模样儿,心说算了,反正今天自己肯定也不打算早睡,总是要过了十二点去跟权杖交涉一番的。而且他这周的额度还有两百多,也总得花掉。
Shi Lei looked at Zhang Liangliang's poor little appearance, and said that he had calculated it. Anyway, he certainly did not plan to go to bed early today. He always had to go through twelve points to negotiate with the scepter. And he has more than two hundred credits this week, and he has to spend it.
于是便说:“好吧,今天破例。咱们去看电影吧,正好有部我想看的电影。”
Then he said, "Okay, today's exception. Let's go to the movies, there is a movie that I want to watch. ”
哇哦一声,她只要能跟
呆在一起就觉得很开心,至于做什么倒是不重要了。
Zhang Liangliang Wow, she feels happy if she can stay with Shi Lei. It doesn't matter what she does.
“大叔,你很坏哦!”
买票的时候,
在一旁不断的跟他挤眉弄眼。
"Uncle, you are very bad!"When Shi Lei bought the ticket, Zhang Liangliang kept squinting at him.
皱着眉头,问:“我怎么坏了?”
Shi Lei frowned and asked, "How am I broken?"
“一般男的想追女的,都是先请吃饭然后看电影的。趁着电影院比较黑,就可以假装不小心碰一碰女生的手。如果女生不介意,就表示有戏,然后就可以牵手了。牵手牵一会儿,还可以试探着搂搂抱抱,要是这都不反对,哈哈,那就基本没问题了。先亲亲小脸蛋儿,然后亲亲小嘴,甚至可以摸两把……”
"General men who want to chase women are invited to eat and then watch movies. Taking advantage of the darkness of the cinema, you can pretend to accidentally touch the girl's hand. If the girl doesn't mind, it means there is a play, and then she can hold hands. Hold hands for a while, you can also test the cuddle, if this does not object, haha, then basically no problem. First kiss the little face, then kiss the little mouth, you can even touch two…"
的话没说完,
的脸却全黑了。
When Zhang Liangliang’s words were not finished, Shi Lei’s face was completely dark.
看看售票员,那个男孩子仰脸望天,一副“我没听见”的表情。可是,你演技这么浮夸你们经理知道么?拖出去开除,不会演戏你瞎演个什么劲儿!
Look at the conductor, the boy looked up at the sky, a look that "I didn't hear". However, your acting skills are so exaggerating, do your managers know? Drag and drop to expel, don’t act, what are you doing!
接过电影票,拖着
就到了外边。
Shi Lei took the movie ticket and dragged Zhang Liangliang to the outside.
寒风吹来,还真是有些让人哆嗦。
The cold wind is blowing, it is really embarrassing.
可是
已经顾不得这些,而是严肃的对着
说:“
同学,你要是再这样,以后别说看电影,就连吃饭的机会都没有了。而且,我会跟你母亲说,我要辞去家教的工作。到时候你爱跟谁吃饭跟谁吃饭,爱跟谁看电影就跟谁看电影!”
However, Shi Lei has not taken care of this, but said seriously to Zhang Liangliang: "Zhang Liangliang, if you do this again, don't talk about watching movies in the future, even the chance of eating is gone. Moreover, I will tell your mother that I have to quit my tutoring work. When do you like to eat with whom to eat, who loves to watch movies with whom to watch movies! ”
很委屈,双手抓住
的胳膊,来回晃荡着:“大叔你怎么了嘛,我就是跟你开个玩笑。我知道你不会牵我的手,也不会亲亲我,可是,一个玩笑你至于的么?”
Zhang Liangliang was very wronged, grabbed Shi Lei's arm with both hands, and swayed back and forth: "What happened to you, Uncle, I just made a joke with you. I know that you won't take my hand, and you won't kiss me, but what about a joke? ”
“至于,当然至于,相当至于。我告诉你
,你还是个孩子,我要不是看在……看在……”
也不想再戳中小妞的伤心事,只得含糊略过:“那什么的份上,真懒得理你知道吧?”
"As for, of course, as far as it is. I tell you Zhang Liangliang, you are still a child, I am not looking at…Look at…"Shi Lei didn't want to poke the little girl's sad things any more, but he had to vaguely say: "What is the difference, really lazy to know you?"
“我不是孩子了,十二月我就满十六岁了。”
"I am not a child. I am sixteen years old in December."
“十六岁你也还是个孩子啊,法律规定多少岁成年你知道么?十八岁!”
简直就气不打一处来。
"You are still a child at the age of sixteen. How many years do you know the law?" Eighteen years old! ”Shi Lei is simply not angry with one place.
“大叔,是因为我不够漂亮么?”
眨巴着大眼睛问,那眼睫毛,简直比那些刷了睫毛膏的女人还要长,真是气死人的天生丽质。
"Uncle, is it because I am not beautiful enough?"Zhang Liangliang asked with big eyes, that eyelashes, even longer than those who brushed mascara, is really a natural beauty.
叹了口气,说:“你很漂亮,可这跟漂亮没什么关系,而且你也见过一一了,她是我女朋友你知道吧?”无奈之下,
也只能把
拉出来当挡箭牌。
Shi Lei sighed and said, "You are very beautiful, but this has nothing to do with beauty, and you have seen it one by one. She is my girlfriend, do you know?"In desperation, Shi Lei can only pull Sun Yiyi out as a shield.
“嘁……你少来啦,我和一姐这几天聊得可好了,她早就跟我说了,她和你一起长大的,青梅竹马两小无猜,家里人都希望你们能凑成一对儿,但是你们现在连牵手都没牵过。”
"whispering sound……You are less coming, I have a good conversation with a sister these days. She has already told me that she grew up with you, and she has no doubts about her childhood. The family hopes that you can make a pair, but you I haven’t even taken care of it now. ”
“昨天刚牵了!”
也是无语,这个
,还真是单纯,一个小屁孩都能把她的话套个底儿掉。
"I was just taken yesterday!"Shi Lei is also speechless. This Sun Yiyi is really simple. A little boy can put her words off.
“牵了就牵了呗,我又不在乎,而且我也没打算跟一姐抢。一姐人太好了,谁要跟她抢东西,哦,不是,大叔你不是东西……”
"I took care of it, I don't care, and I didn't plan to grab it with a sister." A sister is too good, who wants to grab something with her, oh no, uncle, you are not something…"
黑着脸:“你才不是东西呢!”
Shi Lei blushes: "You are not something!"
嘻嘻一笑,又说:“我不是那个意思,但是大叔你肯定懂我的意思。我就是说,我肯定不会跟一姐抢你,大不了共享么!”
Zhang Liangliang smiled and said: "I don't mean that, but Uncle, you must know what I mean. I mean, I will definitely not rob you with a sister, big deal! ”
一个凿栗下去,这次可是真的用力的,这一记清脆的凿栗,差点没把
的眼泪打出来。
Shi Lei, a chestnut, this time, but really hard, this crisp chestnut, almost did not hit Zhang Liangliang's tears.
“哎哟,大叔你怎么这么用力!”
"Hey, uncle, why are you so hard!"
黑着脸说:“这还是轻的呢,什么叫共享,这玩意儿有共享的么?不,不对,我不是玩意儿。也不对,我是玩意儿!嗨,我都被你气糊涂了!”
Shi Lei said with a black face: "This is still light, what is sharing, is this thing shared? No, no, I am not a gadget. Not right, I am a gadget! Oh, I am confused by you! ”
原本是在教训
,可
却生生把它说成了段子,结果教育作用一点儿没有,有的只是喜剧效果。
Originally, I was learning Zhang Liangliang, but Shi Lei gave birth to it as a paragraph. As a result, the educational effect was not at all, and some were just comedy effects.
扑哧直乐,笑得直不起腰,嘴里还说呐:“哎哟喂,大叔你可真逗,你真是要笑死我了,你比
还逗,你比王自健强多了,你去给小王爷写段子吧,最近80后脱口秀都没法儿看了,蛋蛋和王建国绝对是黔驴技穷了。你要是去了,这节目指定火遍大江南北,你可真是逗死我了!”
Zhang Liangliang sighed straight, laughed straight and couldn’t stand the waist, and said in his mouth: "Hey, uncle, you are really funny, you really want to laugh at me, you are more funny than Guo Degang, you are much stronger than Wang Zijian. You go to write a paragraph for Xiao Wangye. Recently, the talk show in the 80s can't be seen. The egg and Wang Jianguo are definitely poor. If you go, this program specifies fires all over the country, you are really amused me! ”
彻底无语了,他发现,自己只要跟
对话,这气就不打一处来,跟这小妞,还真是着不起急生不了气,
怀疑,再这么跟她接触下去,自己非得被她给玩死不可。
Shi Lei was completely speechless. He found that as long as he talked to Zhang Liangliang, he wouldn’t play one thing. With this chick, he really couldn’t afford to be angry. Shi Lei suspected that he would contact her again. I have to be killed by her.
“电影不看了,我送你回家!”
无奈只能使用杀手锏。
"The movie doesn't look, I will send you home!"Shi Lei can only use the killer.
顿时就呆住了,她看着
,眼睛里竟然泪光闪动。
Zhang Liangliang was suddenly stunned. She looked at Shi Lei and her eyes flashed in tears.
你妹啊!能不能别这样!
是这样,
也是这样,你们女孩子真的是水做的么?怎么一个个都那么爱哭啊!
Damn it! Can you not do this! This is the case with Sun Yiyi, and the same is true for Zhang Liangliang. Are your girls really doing water? How do you cry so much!
“不许哭!”
只能严令禁止。
"No cry!"Shi Lei can only be strictly prohibited.
嘟着嘴说:“那你带我看电影,我不要回家!”
Zhang Liangliang said with a grin, "Then take me to the movies, I don't want to go home!"
算是怕了她了,只得说:“好好好,看看看,你要吃什么喝什么,我这就去给你买,我的小祖宗!”
Shi Lei is afraid of her, she has to say: "Well, look at it, what do you want to eat and drink, I will go buy it for you, my little ancestor!"
眼睛里的眼泪瞬间消失,脸上笑容笑得就像是过年一样:“爆米花,冰激淋,还要一个可乐!”
Zhang Liangliang The tears in my eyes disappeared instantly, and the smile on my face was like a New Year: "Popcorn, ice cream, and a cola!"
黑着脸回到电影院,按照小祖宗的菜谱买了东西,加上电影票,这周额度刚好花完,不管如何,总归还算是有一个好消息。
Shi Lei went back to the cinema with a black face, bought something according to the recipes of Xiaozuzong, and added a movie ticket. This week, the amount just happened to be spent. In any case, there is always good news.
“别这样么,大叔,你别生气了,大不了我答应你,我绝对不会在电影院里黑灯瞎火的情况下占你便宜的好不好?”
"Don't be like this, Uncle, don't be angry, big deal, I promise you, I will never take advantage of you in the case of a black light in the cinema."
真想骂人,而且是脏话,但是他只是瞪了
一眼,眼看时间差不多了,直奔放映厅而去。
Shi Lei really wanted to be swearing, and it was swearing, but he just glanced at Zhang Liangliang and saw that time was almost up and went straight to the auditorium.
检票进场,电影还不错,本身就是
一直想看的,而且是喜剧,
看的也极为开心,手里的爆米花时不时就随着她杠铃一般的笑声洒在
身上,
只能无奈的一颗颗将其捡起来放进嘴里吃掉。
Tickets came in, the film was not bad, it was Shi Lei who wanted to watch it, and it was a comedy. Zhang Liangliang was also very happy to see it. The popcorn in her hand was sprinkled on Shi Lei from time to time with her barbell laughter. Shi Lei can only helplessly pick it up and put it in his mouth to eat it.
电影散场,时间也很晚了,虽说小妞强烈要求吃宵夜,
却根本不予理会,强行把她送回了家。
The film was released, and the time was very late. Although the chick strongly urged to stay up late, Shi Lei simply ignored it and forced her back home.
一看时间,离十二点只剩下十分钟,
这一晚上陪着二姐疯,也真是有些累了,虽说不远,却还是拦下一辆出租车,坐在后座闭目养神。
At a time, only ten minutes left from twelve o'clock, Shi Lei was very tired with the second sister this night. Although it was not far away, she stopped a taxi and sat in the back seat. repose.
突然之间,出租车司机使劲儿抽了抽鼻子,问道:“小伙子,你闻到什么奇怪的味道没有?”
Suddenly, the taxi driver smacked his nose and asked, "Young man, what smells you smell?"
不说还好,一说
只觉得自己裤裆里火辣辣的疼,清晰的看见裆部升起一蓬淡淡的血雾……
Not to mention okay, one said that Shi Lei only felt the burning pain in his crotch, and clearly saw the faint bloody fog rising from the crotch…
卧槽!!!
oh shit
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